p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Randomize
