He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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