If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
