you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize