My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
