I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
my nose is crying tears of wow.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
