ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
