the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
