He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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