i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Randomize
