The beer is more important than you right now.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
