I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
