just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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