Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I fill condoms, not promises.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
