I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
