are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
