i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
