she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
