I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
