After last night, I could never be a politician.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
