i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
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