How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
