and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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