i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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