I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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