it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
