You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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