i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize