My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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