..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
