I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
there is glitter all over my balls
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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