he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
