Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize