when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
