I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Randomize
