Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
