Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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