It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
