WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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