then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
