hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
