does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
