apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I wish you could order shots online.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
