I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
