I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
