Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
