Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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