its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
These tits shall not be calmed
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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