My brain says no but my pants say off.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
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