If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
