idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
