I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
