The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
