My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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