I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
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