Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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