You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Randomize
