my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
