Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
