Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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