ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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