Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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