I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
My liver just had a heart attack.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
