i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize