a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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